He Goes Before

There is nothing that comforts quite like The Gospel.  There is nothing that eases a mind, quite like The Gospel.  There is nothing that rests a heart, quite like The Gospel.  There is nothing quite like it, because it was planned and designed with US in mine by our OWN Creator.. who knows us... who knew us before time began.  wow.  It really blows my mind!

This weekend I had the great honor of leading worship for speaker and author, Elyse Fitzpatrick.  She taught the simple truth of The Gospel, and it's power fell fresh on my heart.  As I was traveling back, I penned a new song.  I find myself singing it as I run about my daily tasks.  I pray it will serve as a reminder of Truth for you as it does for me.

He Goes Before  -jp

When the night is dark, when the road is dim

When I cannot see the way

i will follow Him, I will fear no more

'cause my Savior, He goes before

when the journey's long, and the suffering deep

when my strength begins to fail

i will trust His hand, as He leads me forward

'cause my Savior, He goes before

He goes before, He leads ahead

There is no mountain or valley He's not tread

when I'm with Him, the path is dim no more

'cause He goes, He goes before

When I'm full of guilt

When regret is strong

When my soul wants to despair

I will hope in Him, I will rest secured

'cause my Jesus, He goes before

He goes before, He's gone ahead

and He has purchased my life, He's paid the debt

when I'm with Him, my sin is no more

'cause He goes, He goes before

When my end is near, when I breathe my last

I'll not fear my fate to come

I will rejoice forevermore

'cause my Jesus has gone before

He's gone before, He waits ahead

Robed in splendor, to welcome me in

when I'm with Him, all will be restored

and He goes, He goes before

Take heart!  He is not leading us on an unfamiliar road.  :)

No White Spaces

"Mommy, will you help me finish my picture?" Emma Faye's sweet voice interrupted my deep thought.

I was moving about our house cleaning, clearing, organizing....trying to bring some kind of order to our "new" house (new to us) after the explosion of Christmas vacation. It had seemed a whirlwind how we had found ourselves, here, on this bleak January morning... transplanted within unfamiliar walls and foreign floors. We moved one week before Thanksgiving, left for South Carolina for a week with family, then returned... all suffering with a stomach virus which lasted about two weeks... still somehow Christmas came... and went... and we had a wonderful holiday.

However, once the tree was dislodged from it's stand and the decorations came down, I found myself to be somewhat lost in this "new" home. Thrust back into our reality that we were living in a rental and were in a season of transition and uncertainty. We all felt like we had moved away, when actually it was only just a few miles. We were unpacked and had squeezed all of our belongings into this little cottage, still it felt bare. I was struggling.... fighting to believe that I am loved by my Savior... that He knows all the things I don't... He has got all of this... He is looking at the plans and carrying them out... and that all of these statements, aren't just "happy thoughts and wishes"... but PROMISES.

"So will you? Please?"

I smiled, "yes, let's finish it together."

"Ok, it's gonna take a long time. See, Mommy, you have to cover all of it with this marker... the WHOLE background... no white spaces. I want it to look like how God colors," she said so matter of fact like. I was so confused. I asked her what she meant... we were coloring a reindeer in the snow and she wanted me to color everything else blue like the sky, but apparently I wasn't coloring enough blue.

"No white spaces means, ALL colored. I don't want any of the paper to show... like this..."

..and time froze for a moment. I couldn't believe the insight of my five year old. Not only was I suddenly overwhelmed by the mere gift of just being able to be her mother, but also by the depth of what she began to share....

She then turned to the window and lifted up the blind and said, "like this Mommy... see.. look outside... do you see any white spaces? See how every single thing is colored. God didn't leave anything out. See, even like the air...no white spaces....but I know I won't get it as perfect as God does, but still I want to color as much as I can... will you help me?"

I did look out that window. I had a hard time seeing anything, though, through the tears. But I wiped them away so I COULD see the world God had colored. It was bleak and gray and windy. The ground was damp. The leaves squishy.....

(no white spaces)

God had colored it all. He'd left nothing out. Once again, He speaks to me through my child... my artist.. who finds the beauty in a winter afternoon. I pondered the winter days of my heart. God has colored every one. He doesn't start a masterpiece and leave it undone. He completes it.... and He completes it with perfection.

(no white spaces)

Holy Father, Emmanuel....you meet us where we are.... you are our supply. Thank you giving us this beautiful world FULL of color and light even on the gray, black and white days. Thank you for coloring our hearts... even the deep, dark places.

You leave no white spaces .....

...none.

Ring Loud the Bells of Hope

"Then Herod, when he saw that he had been tricked by the wise men, became furious, and sent and killed all the male children in Bethlehem and in all that region who were two years old or under....Then was fulfilled what was spoken by the prophet Jeremiah,
"A voice was heard in Ramah, weeping and loud lamentation.
Rachel weeping for her children.
She refused to be comforted because they are no more" Matthew 2:16-18

I was rocking Thomas to sleep for his nap. He asked me for his favorite song. I begin...

"He's got the whole world in His hands... He's got the..whole world...." I struggled to get it out. My mortal mind... my finite reasoning is struggling to sing these words this afternoon.

Really, God? You have the WHOLE world in your hands.... even Newton? How? How can this be? Why would you allow this to happen to innocent children?

".. in His Hands...He's got the whole world in His hands..."

again, Mommy.
(I sigh) I sing again. In tears I speak the truth. Maybe my heart will listen because my mind is elsewhere. I pray for the Holy Spirit to search my soul for the Truth that I know is in there. And then I was reminded of the weeping and killing of innocent children soon after Christ's birth. Children murdered just because they were male and infants. It is no different than children murdered just because they went to school. Soldiers barged into homes... into HOMES... and killed the baby boys. I have three sons. My youngest is 2.

There is nothing new under the sun. The Bible reminds us of this over and over again that this world offers suffering and only glimpses of our promised joy. There has always been the shedding of innocent blood. It hurts. Sin brings pain... but this why He came.

"She will bear a son and you shall call his name, Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins." Matthew 1:21

As I celebrate the season of Advent... I long for the Advent which is to come... when all will be restored... when all will be well.... when we will take hold of our promise. Until then, I grieve with the hope of that promise. I rejoice in the songs of Christmas because this season marks the beginning of this fulfillment. May the bells of hope ring loud until the trumpet is blown. Truth is everything. You DO hold the WHOLE world, Jesus... and you are coming. You are coming to take captive that which you have set free.

The "Real" Treasures

I just love how the most heartfelt Little House on the Prairie episodes seem to open with Laura narrating these words, "If I had a remembrance book, I would write this down...".  As I was packing boxes late last night watching an old episode, I thought about that statement as I reflected over these past few months.

God is so good.  If I had a remembrance book, I would record all of the ways The Lord has been faithful and good to us during this season.

We are moving to a little house not far from our home now.  A "temporary" home as we have called it, although I am learning that everything on this earth is our temporary home.  As I pack and purge all of the "stuff" we have acquired, I am reminded of true treasures.... the pictures.  Not the ones we paid for that hang on our walls and decorate our Facebook pages; bought all the matching outfits for.  No, I am speaking of the snapshots.  The ones in little picture frames, or hanging on our fridge by a magnet.  The ones thrown in a drawer.  The real smiles.  The dirty clothes.  The real life  ones.  Then there are the memories. The conversations like, "Mommy, I am going to miss our water puddle after it rains."  or "Mommy, remember when this room used to be yellow?"  "Remember when I used to sleep in a crib, and now Thomas uses it?"  Touching up a wall and hearing my precious little girl saying she is sorry for writing on it.  life.

I struggle with wanting a Home.  Moving around is so hard for me.  I just want a "forever home"...whatever that means.  I am realizing that I actually DO have a home.  Because a home isn't walls and windows.   It isn't furniture or dishes.  It isn't paintings and yards.  It isn't pets and toys.  A home is life.

Jesus says that He is the way, the truth and the life.  He says for those willing to lose their own lives, will gain one;  an eternal one... a forever home.  I HAVE a forever home in Him.  A house isn't a home.  He is.  He speaks of storing up treasures in heaven... eternal treasures; those that are life-giving.

You can't pack life in a box.  But you can take it with you.  It can be stored.  If we invest in that which is most life-giving.  When we pause and make a memory.  When it becomes about the heart and not about the stuff and activities.  As I consume rolls and rolls of bubble wrap to protect the "precious" items, I realize that which I treasure most is already permanently sealed and stored for eternity.  In Christ, life, goes with us.  Life is our home both now and forever when Christ is our life.

This move is already sweet.   I have many boxes resting in our garage, ready to be transported, but much much more resting within my heart.  And I am glad for that.

Less like scars and more like character.

It's been a hard year 

But I'm climbing out of the rubble 

These lessons are hard 

Healing changes are subtle 

But every day it's

Less like tearing, more like building 

Less like captive, more like willing 

Less like breakdown, more like surrender 

Less like haunting, more like remember

And I feel you here 

And you're picking up the pieces 

Forever faithful 

It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation 

But you are able 

And in your hands the pain and hurt 

Look less like scars and more like 

Character

- Sarah Groves lyrics "Less Like Scars"

I hadn't heard this song in a LONG time and it came on my Pandora station the other morning during my run.  It was timely and quite the response I wish to give those who ask, "how's your summer been?"  It's just been that kind of summer.  Lots of tearing apart.. but MORE building anew.  Subtle changes; but changes none the less in my journey toward holiness... a broken road full of humility and grace.  Broken isn't bad, though.  Broken is beautiful.  Broken exposes our need for Christ... cries out to Christ... breathes Christ.  Yes, I am learning to be quite comfortable in my brokenness.  There is no shame in needing a Savior.  There is no shame in not being able to do.  THIS is why Jesus came.  Brokenness precedes the building.  I am but bones, but HE will cover me and clothe me in HIM.. and in Him, I become NEW.

The kids and I have LOVED going to the pool this summer.  We've spent much time up there and FINALLY Thomas joined our joyful troop of pool goers.  This took a while.  See, at first, Thomas was fearful of the water.  I would hold him and say, "I've got you, it's ok... I've got you.."  He would cling for dear life to me as I waded around the shallow end only letting his toes dip into the water... then his legs... then we would bob up and down.. up and down until I would see a smirk on his face followed by, "again, mommy.. again!"  Eventually he warmed up and wasn't fearful.. but every time we got in the water he immediately began saying, "I got you.  I got you."  I would repeat, "yes, I got you.  I got you."  We would walk around the pool together and in a loud confident voice, he repeated, "I got you.  I got you."

One morning, my eyes became a pool of their own.  I realized what Thomas was speaking.  In his fear, in his need of assurance.. he didn't speak HIS words:  "You have me.  Mommy has me."... he spoke MINE.  I GOT YOU.  

I thought about all of the times I have begun to fear.. all of the times I fight my doubt that God is in this... What would it mean for me to repeat the TRUTH Christ speaks over me!  YOU ARE MINE.  I LOVE YOU.  YOU ARE PRECIOUS.  DO NOT FEAR.  I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU NOR FORSAKE YOU.  I HAVE PLANS FOR YOU..PLANS TO PROSPER YOU... PLANS FOR HOPE AND FUTURE.  Not to question it... but to STATE it.  To speak it out loud in HIS own words.

This has profoundly affected me.  Through the lens of God's goodness, the trials are bearable... they have purpose...they are a part of the great story of my life HE has written.  Covered and cared for in the hands of Christ, that which wounds actually strengthens.  And in time.. according to His will... those wounds do indeed become less like scars, and more like character.

Thank you, Jesus.  Thank you for the work you did on the cross.  Thank you for the suffering you endured for me.  Thank you that you are always at work for our good.  May I speak your truth to myself as You speak it over me on my behalf to my Heavenly Father.  You are GOOD.  You ARE good!

"I GOT YOU!"