I went running this morning to clear my mind. I am leading worship for our women's retreat this weekend and I just needed some rest from the swirling spiritual attack and chaos our home has undergone this past week. I needed to pray through my songs. I needed focused time in prayer for my heart.
Our retreat is about our "story". It's about seeing our stories as a part of His greater story. I have spent much time sorting out the "good" in tragedy and hardship. Accepting our fallen world for what it is, and embracing the Hope of eternity. Hard stuff.
The why questions seem to get me no where. I concentrate on the Who ones. Instead of asking, "whyGod?" I ask, "Who are you, God?" Those I find answers for. He is faithful, loving, a Father, a healer, Redeemer, has plans, one who rescues, one who holds my tears in a bottle, and one who will one day wipe them from my eyes. He is beginning and end. He's a creator. He is a lover. He is joy and peace. He is wisdom. He is mighty. He is gentle. He is a warrior for my heart. He is the Shepherd of my heart. He puts me to bed. He wakes me in the morning. He rewards. He disciplines. He goes before me. He goes behind me. He walks beside me- all at the same time. He is King of Kings. He is humble in heart. He is the lover of my soul. His love is never used to manipulate.
When I set my mind on these truths, the less I desire to inquire why.
Having just listened to a song entitled, "River God." I noticed a frothy brook babbling beneath a wooden bridge. Stepping onto the planks, I gazed down at the rushing water. My children love to play in this creek during the summer. I thought about the rocks under that stream. How the rushing water smooths their surfaces. If these rocks were rough and jagged, my children couldn't frolic over them.
Perhaps our difficult lives... these rushing currents that seem to want us drowned, that cut so deep.. are all a part of smoothing the stones of our lives for others and the generations to come. As we trust in Him, who chisels and chills, smooths and refines, a safe foundation is provided on which they may stand and observe how we deal with and experience Christ. Let the river flow, so our children and our children's children will want to come and wade in the Water. Bathe in the Water. Drink of that Water.
And for today, in this moment, that is enough of a why reason to keep me holding fast, submerged 'neath the rapids.