Woke up extra early this morning. I can hear the birds having their morning discussions outside the window of my den. The house is silent. My thoughts are loud.
This summer has been a relaxing one. With all of our "moves" this year, we decided to literally plan nothing for the summer but a few trips to the beach and outings to the pool. It's been nice to rest. It's been nice to spend uninterrupted time with my children. We've been reading a lot. We've been playing games and loving animals. We've also been arguing a lot. ugh. But we've also been saying "I'm sorry" a lot. I used to still feel really bad about this. I don't like it when I sin. I detest when I lose my patience with my toddler. I hate my quick temper. I apologize, but I hate that I am seemingly always apologizing for the same things. It begins a terrible cycle of guilt and shame with me, if I'm honest.
"God is just as willing and just as able to sanctify, as He is to redeem" (Stepping Heavenward by E. Prentiss)
I wholly except that Christ gave His life for me so that I may gain eternal life with Him.. forever. I am realizing lately, though, that I am not living like I wholly believe that this resurrection occurs as well in my sanctification. Every apology... every grievance.. He is resurrecting. I am a new creation again and again. He didn't just save me one time. He is saving me every minute... He moves from sin to sin.. cleaning out my heart... purifying.
The more I grow in holiness, the more I see and grieve my own sin... the greater my sin, the greater Christ becomes.
"For while we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will hardly die for a righteous man; though perhaps for the good man someone would dare even to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:6-8
Our apologies serve to make it right with those we care for on this earth and to declare to our Heavenly Father, we are unable to make these changes on our own.. we are helpless to our sin.. we NEED a Savior! And He rescues every time and fulfills His promises over and over.
"Then I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your filthiness and from all your idols. Moreover, I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; and I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. I will put My Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statutes, and you will be careful to observe My ordinances. You will live in the land that I gave to your forefathers; so you will be My people, and I will be your God." Ezekiel 36:25-28
It's okay to say "I'm sorry."