It's been a hard year
But I'm climbing out of the rubble
These lessons are hard
Healing changes are subtle
But every day it's
Less like tearing, more like building
Less like captive, more like willing
Less like breakdown, more like surrender
Less like haunting, more like remember
And I feel you here
And you're picking up the pieces
It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars and more like
- Sarah Groves lyrics "Less Like Scars"
I hadn't heard this song in a LONG time and it came on my Pandora station the other morning during my run. It was timely and quite the response I wish to give those who ask, "how's your summer been?" It's just been that kind of summer. Lots of tearing apart.. but MORE building anew. Subtle changes; but changes none the less in my journey toward holiness... a broken road full of humility and grace. Broken isn't bad, though. Broken is beautiful. Broken exposes our need for Christ... cries out to Christ... breathes Christ. Yes, I am learning to be quite comfortable in my brokenness. There is no shame in needing a Savior. There is no shame in not being able to do. THIS is why Jesus came. Brokenness precedes the building. I am but bones, but HE will cover me and clothe me in HIM.. and in Him, I become NEW.
The kids and I have LOVED going to the pool this summer. We've spent much time up there and FINALLY Thomas joined our joyful troop of pool goers. This took a while. See, at first, Thomas was fearful of the water. I would hold him and say, "I've got you, it's ok... I've got you.." He would cling for dear life to me as I waded around the shallow end only letting his toes dip into the water... then his legs... then we would bob up and down.. up and down until I would see a smirk on his face followed by, "again, mommy.. again!" Eventually he warmed up and wasn't fearful.. but every time we got in the water he immediately began saying, "I got you. I got you." I would repeat, "yes, I got you. I got you." We would walk around the pool together and in a loud confident voice, he repeated, "I got you. I got you."
One morning, my eyes became a pool of their own. I realized what Thomas was speaking. In his fear, in his need of assurance.. he didn't speak HIS words: "You have me. Mommy has me."... he spoke MINE. I GOT YOU.
I thought about all of the times I have begun to fear.. all of the times I fight my doubt that God is in this... What would it mean for me to repeat the TRUTH Christ speaks over me! YOU ARE MINE. I LOVE YOU. YOU ARE PRECIOUS. DO NOT FEAR. I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU NOR FORSAKE YOU. I HAVE PLANS FOR YOU..PLANS TO PROSPER YOU... PLANS FOR HOPE AND FUTURE. Not to question it... but to STATE it. To speak it out loud in HIS own words.
This has profoundly affected me. Through the lens of God's goodness, the trials are bearable... they have purpose...they are a part of the great story of my life HE has written. Covered and cared for in the hands of Christ, that which wounds actually strengthens. And in time.. according to His will... those wounds do indeed become less like scars, and more like character.
Thank you, Jesus. Thank you for the work you did on the cross. Thank you for the suffering you endured for me. Thank you that you are always at work for our good. May I speak your truth to myself as You speak it over me on my behalf to my Heavenly Father. You are GOOD. You ARE good!
"I GOT YOU!"